The Way I See You
This was my first Supernatural fanfiction. I haven’t written a fanfic in years, but my fanfiction muse woke from her coma and decided to gift me with the first line. I hope it wasn’t horrible. It’s unbeta-ed. I realized today that I forgot how to do things on livejournal. The struggle was real and I was sad and it was way too early in the morning.
Set in season 8
He started to see her everywhere.
Just flashes at first; her face in a crowded bar, a trail of blonde hair in a restaurant, the brief view of a loving smile and pouty lips in a gas station.
He doesn’t tell his brother. Dean wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t see that seeing her isn’t a bad thing. Seeing her doesn’t hurt Sam anymore, not like it used to hurt. The sight of Jessica is wonderful, like a gift. It’s a good gift, not a gift from Lucifer, not the usual torture.
As the weeks go by, Sam sees Jess more often and more clearly. She’s just as beautiful as she was when he first met her. Her eyes glitter, but they don’t burn out of her skull. She’s wearing a dress, not a white nightgown, and it’s not covered in blood. Fire doesn’t surround her and the smell of burning flesh is absent. She’s a gift. A gift. Just a gift.
Months pass and he begins to see her in the Men of Letters Bunker, in the motels that the brothers still use, and in libraries. Sometimes, she sits across from him in the library, but she’s always silent. She helps him find the right passages, nodding when he runs across a book that is useful. In the motel, she only appears when Dean is out. She sits at the tables, on Dean’s beds and just smiles at him. Sam is positive that she watches him sleep when Dean stays out all night, doing whatever it is that Dean does at night. He thinks she might be an angel, borrowing the face of his beloved to make him feel comfortable. Occasionally, he’s frightened. What if it’s a trap?
He lets it go. He can pretend, they both can pretend.
Half a year goes by before Dean notices that something isn’t right with his brother, again. Well, that’s not quite true. He noticed months ago, but he didn’t consider it a real problem. There was fighting to be done, yelling, and hurt feelings to heal. Sam is staring off into space again, but he’s not flinching anymore. Instead, Sam’s eyes look glassy, he smiles, he sighs, and he’s content. There aren’t any nightmares or seizures that follow the staring. It’s hard for Dean to complain; his brother looks happy.
Dean finds it terrifying, not knowing what his brother’s seeing. It’s disconcerting, to say the least, but how can he ask? He’s just started to forgive Sam for not looking for him, for abandoning him in Purgatory. Dean decides to leave it for now. Maybe Sam will mention it.
Dean can’t ignore it anymore when Sam coughs up blood and tries to hide it behind sleeves and carefully crumpled tissues. He’ll ask Sam tomorrow who he’s been thanking for the tissues. He’ll ask right after they save Bobby.
Jess gets more solid every day. Sam can feel her touches after the second trial. Her hands brush the fever away when Dean isn’t hovering over him. Her kisses take away the pain. She still loves him, he knows this to be true. He was tricked once, maybe twice, into thinking that she hated him. Jess forgives him; it wasn’t his fault the world had plans for him.
The day Sam knocks his brother out to save Charlie from the djinn, Jessica sits in the car with him on the way to the crime scenes and to the djinn’s lair. She has a voice by then, she whispers to him and her voice echoes around the car. Be safe. Save Dean. Save Charlie. You’re so strong. Be safe. Sam doesn’t see her again for days. Maybe she used too much energy speaking; she just needs to rest. Sam is exhausted and barely functional in the days that follow.
Jessica stays away for a long time after that. Sam doesn’t even see her when he’s following Dr. Scowly, but he thinks she wouldn’t approve of her calling the man names. She’s certainly not around when the brothers meet Metatron.
Dean never does get around to asking Sam who he’s seeing.
When Sam is in the church, curing Crowley, Jessica holds his hands, braces him when he staggers, and brushes the glass out of his hair. As usual, she’s absent when Dean runs into the church to stop him, but he swears he can hear her crying when he says he doesn’t care about dying. She gives him a sad smile and kisses after Dean rushes him out of the church. Sam’s surprised, he can feel her petting his hair and stroking near his dimples as the brothers watch the angels fall. This Jess and Dean have never been around at the same time, but she stays with Sam in the car as his lungs fail.
He can’t feel her after he wakes up in the car.